1. Understand your insecurities.
Learn to pay attention to negative thoughts and distinguish the rational thoughts from the irrational ones.
Until you’ve addressed your insecurities and told yourself you’re a worthy person, you won’t be able to truly socialise.
Do you constantly tell yourself you’re unattractive?
Do you tell yourself you’re ‘not normal’ now? That you are misunderstood?
Unhinged or irritable or emotional?
Negative thoughts like these are what keep you from feeling confident enough to be a social person.
2. Recognise & compartmentalise away your negative thoughts.
First, acknowledge that the negative thought is there. Label it as a “negative” thought, and then let it slowly dissolve until it disappears completely.
Turn a negative thought into a constructive one. For example, I can’t walk anymore independently. So you tell yourself you are ‘disabled’ (like I did) Instead tell yourself ‘I’d like to walk and get my strength back so that I can do the things I once enjoyed & be more social. This way, you can turn a negative thought into a positive goal for the future.
For every negative thought, think of three positive thoughts.
Being positive makes you more socially approachable.
3. List your positive qualities.
Unfortunately, we spend so much time trying to improve ourselves that we forget to acknowledge our accomplishments, our talents, and our good nature. Why not ask yourself the following questions to get you started:
What have you done in the past year that you are proud of?
What is your proudest accomplishment of all time?
What unique talents do you have?
What do people tend to compliment you on?
What positive impact have you made on other peoples’ lives?
Most of the time it’s hard to remember your past achievements, so why not write them down on a piece of paper as they happen, and put them in an ‘achievements jar’ in your kitchen?
4. Stop comparing yourself to others.
Keep in mind that behind closed doors, everybody experiences pain or suffering from time to time. If you find yourself wondering why certain people seem happier than you, remind yourself that happiness has little to do with external circumstances, and everything to do with attitude.
Life is challenging for everyone
In different ways and we all have different coping thresholds.
5. Remember that you’re not the center of the universe. (This was my thinking in 2011!)
I felt invisible and insecure also tend to feel like they are constantly being watched, criticised, and laughed at.
I thought strangers were constantly staring at you and waiting for you to mess up or judging me on my obsessive passion. They did privately question whether I was actually moving on, though now realise I had to do what I did.
Remember people are so involved with their own lives that they have little time to notice if you do or say something embarrassing.
Get over the fact that everyone is judging you. Like you, they are more concerned about themselves than the people around them.
6. Get over your fear of rejection. (Hard I know, as I felt I’d lost my place socially because I was no longer perceived as ‘normal’ by others, but now I know no-one is perfectly normal!)
But think about all of the amazing relationships you can form if you just put yourself out there more.
Hope this helps make you feel more social.